1. Ronnie and Sammie will fight: This shouldn’t surprise you. They get back together. It’s inevitable.
2. Mike will not get as much as Vinny: Let’s face it. Vinny is attractive. Mike is balding.
3. Snooki will flash her lady bits: Even though I just watched the first few minutes and she seemingly packed one suitcase full of panties, Jersey Shore fans have seen her drunk cartwheels. They’re indefinitely blurred.
4. Pauly D will blow a fuse in the house: When I went to Italy, I killed my friend’s convertor straightening my afro. The electricity in the house is doomed.
5. Everyone’s Italian vocabulary will expand: Instead of just knowing the word ciao, they will expand their vocab to mangia, grazie, sesso, formaggio and giù per scopare.
6. The girls will not make it up those stairs: The apartment has a bajillion stairs. Snooki has tiny legs and all the girls have a love of alcohol.
7. Ronnie will be topless 99% of the time: I’m watching it now and he’s been topless since he arrived.
8. Italy will have a shortage of wine, limoncello and grappa: Screw Jager, it’s Florence. They’ll be classy drunks.
9. Deena will violate statues: That girl has no boundaries.
10. Vinny will shave his beard: This “beard” of his is no beard. It is a 5 o’clock shadow. He will shave it in embarrassment over a real man’s beard.